Does dating a transgender make you gay

Later in his life, Matt has tried to give transgender women more—he's tried to surpass the stigma surrounding his sexuality by being available emotionally and forging real relationships with trans women. About ten years ago, in his late thirties, he met a girl in the sex trade named Alicia. She'd come to New York from Brazil in the 80s—around the same time he'd been cruising the west side highway.

Is someone going to see me?

Trying to find love as a transgender man

I remember her saying to me, 'I'm walking down the street with you, but if you're going to be embarrassed by me, I'm going to be embarrassed by you. Matt smiled, gently shaking his head at the insecure man he'd once been. The GIP runs a variety of programs for the trans community; among other services, Herrera provides support groups. One group caters to partners of transgender individuals. It's a place for anyone trans amorous to go and talk with other trans amorous men or women. There is a lot of stigma attached to it: Their sexuality is called into question.

Society is hard on the men who date transgender individuals. There is a lot of stigma attached to it.

Nearly all the men I've dated have identified as heterosexual. A handful have been bi, but none gay. Early on in my transition I frequently posted personal ads. There was a man who used to email me a couple times a week. He was a typical Williamsburg ruffian—tall, tattooed, with an undercut. He was a handsome guy, but I never met him because all he wanted was sex.

I started seeing him around my neighborhood. He was always with his girlfriend. There they'd be slurping a Thai noodle lunch special, stocking a grocery cart with kombucha, or clouding their coffee with cream in our shared cafe. They held hands at their table.

Wanting to have sex with trans women is not synonymous with undoing the stigma against loving them.

His cock-hungry messages lay close, stored in my phone at the bottom of my purse. I wondered if she knew he was cruising for sex with other people. Did she know he's into trans women?


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When she finds out, will she ask him if he's gay? I wonder sometimes, when I hear people spew hatred, how many of them have actually been with trans women before. In his mid-thirties, Matt grew tired of denying himself the kind of life he's always wanted. I have been doing this for so long anyway. This is something I'm gonna do for me. He wanted Alicia to be more than someone he paid for sex, but there were multiple factors working against them both. Like many impoverished trans women, Alicia was addicted to drugs.


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  • She called Matt a few times desperate for cash. She looked horrible; she was thirty, forty, pounds lighter than she was when I'd first met her. It broke my heart. It was too painful to watch Alicia's descent into addiction, so Matt stopped seeing her and resumed living in secrecy. Six or seven years after he last saw Alicia, he attempted to find her again to no avail. She was gone, her online ads deleted. Last year, after decades of living a double life, Matt was finally ready for a partner.

    He became serious about finding the right trans woman to spend his life with. But where to look? There's been an active market for trans personal ads on Craigslist for years. Clicking into the m4t category of Misc.

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    Romance, you'll find reams of posts by trans amorous men. There is a weighty symbolism to Craigslist's subcategories: Casual Encounters is, as one would expect, the most popular. If you're cruising there, all bets are off. As the guys see it, social graces are checked at the door. Then, over in Misc. Romance, again and again, you'll find posts by guys professing their exhaustion with Casual Encounters. They've had enough; they want more. There is a tenderness to the forum—the same users post diligently week after week in pursuit of their transgender soul mate, and stock photos of roses often accompany their ads.

    With the rise of services like OkCupid, Craigslist and other trans community backchannels are becoming less necessary than they once were.

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    Does Dating Someone Transgender Make You Gay?

    Am I gay? How can I get over this? I desperately need it. Your emotions are valid and fair. But there are some other things that I want you to consider. The woman you love has not had an easy journey. Imagine how hard that experience must have been for her. Without knowing her story, consider the common threads in narratives shared by courageous men and women in the LGBTQ community.

    Transgender women are often the targets of abuse and violence. They are subjected to open bullying of and sometimes disowned by their families. But it often seems like the second you tell someone in the dating world that you are trans, their entire view of you changes.

    But if we tell the person on the other end that we are trans, the person may end the conversation in a huff.

    New Research Shows a Vast Majority of Cis People Won't Date Trans People

    Some trans folks might disclose that they are trans early in the conversation with someone they are interested in dating. Sometimes I disclose my gender identity pretty early in the conversation and they stop messaging me immediately. Personally, I know that I am not ready to date yet. I am still in the middle of my coming out process and am focused on myself more than dating someone else. When I see a trans person that is dating and happy I get excited for them and for myself because I know how hard it is to find someone and feel comfortable. Sometimes I wish I could have a relationship like the ones I see.